The Bro Code by Barney Stinson

Just because a “dude” is a “guy” it doesn’t automatically mean that he is your “bro”, even if hes related to you, that just makes him your “cuz”, unless hes your actual “brother” who can also be a “bro”, and by “brother” I don’t mean “brother-brother”, but if you’re not that close he can just be your “brother”, and just because a “chick” has a “vagina” or a “vajayjay” as the kids say these days, it can’t stop her from being your “bro”, unless you fuck.

Yes, that makes sense.

My definition of bro is someone I will help without a second thought, sounds simple right, wrong. I’m not exactly what you would call a nice person, don’t get me wrong I have fantastic people bullshit skills (which I call my public mask), and I in no way cause people harm or grief … I just hate you all. If you happen to be my bro (which is very unlikely) then you must have magic Jesus powers.

Published by Fireside, an imprint of Simon & Schuster and based on the CBS Series How I met Your Mother, “The Bro Code” by Barney Stinson and Matt Kuhn provides men with all the rules they need to know in order to become a “bro” and behave properly among other bros. (CBS)

Whether we know it or not, each of us lives a life governed by an internalized code of conduct. Some call it morality, others call it religion, I call it the Bro Code. Barney Stinson

Instead of reading the paperback I listened to the audiobook read by N.P.H himself (Neil Patrick Harris for the uncool) which really adds an extra dimension to the inner workings of the code. No doubt I’d get a kick out of reading the book, but hearing it from Barney Stinson himself gives it that X factor. It’s not a long listen coming in around 90 minutes, but its just right and keeps the humor flowing.

You don’t have to be a fan of the show to enjoy this, but it doesn’t hurt. I watch “How I Met Your Mother” but I don’t make time to do so, if I catch it I watch it, and mostly for N.P.H’s character who I think is totally gay. Yeah that’s right, Stinson is all about the cock (and not because N.P.H is all about the cock), it is so damn obvious.

For example, the only reason Barney sleeps with so many women is because he is desperately trying to fool himself into thinking hes a straight guy, if he found a man he’d finally be happy. The reason he keeps wishing or calling himself Ted’s best friend is because he really wants to be “Teds best friend”. There’s metrosexual and then there’s “really” metrosexual, guess where he fits in, and when he yells “let’s suit up”, what he really means to say is “lets dress up and I’ll let you put your penis in my mouth, bro”.

Beats the total shit out of me why he wants Mosby so much, Ted is a dick and a whiny bitch.

If you don’t see it then your a tard, or gay, and if your gay I don’t care, its 2009, in my book being a homosexual stopped being taboo years ago. So if you have a friend like Barney Stinson, be a bro not a dude, do him a favor and let him know hes gay, tell him its ok, if you want to put your penis in his mouth and he wants to do the same, then its love,
don’t fight it.

Remember, a bro does not grow a moustache unless said bro is Tom Selleck. Never trust a man with a moustache.