The Walking Dead Cast

For the last couple of years I’ve been hearing about how good The Walking Dead is, but for some unknown reason it wasn’t until recently that I picked up the title … turns out that all the people who have been raving about this book are absolutely fucking right. In less than a few weeks I devoured the first 66 issues with ease, which isn’t that surprising considering I am a total post apocalyptic fiction whore, it also doesn’t hurt that it features Zombies, old school slow walking mindless Zombies at that.

Its also been announced that a TV show based on the comic is set to hit our screens in 2010, and I for one can’t wait. So being the huge Walking Dead fan that I now am (as usual jumping on the bandwagon last) I’d thought I’d do one of those lame gay unoriginal fanboy fantasy castings. It could be worse, at least I’m not reading someone else’s lame gay unoriginal fanboy fantasy casting.

First off we need to assume a few things, there is no point in casting big Hollywood actors because the odds of Brad Pitt playing Rick and Denzel Washington playing Tyreese are pretty much zero. We also need to assume that even if the actors/actresses in the list are already doing projects that will keep them occupied for years, that they would drop what they were doing for The Walking Dead without hesitation.

I’m sure there would be around 12 episodes produced for the first season, and I’d bet the farm that it would encompass the events that happen leading up to finding the prison. In fact, if the big first season cliffhanger doesn’t end with our group of survivors finding said prison, I will cut off my balls and eat them raw (don’t hold me to that though). It just makes sense … finding the prison that is, not chopping off my huge and impressive lavender smelling silky smooth magic balls.

For the purposes of this post, I’m only casting characters that appear in the book before the prison, so fan favorites like Michonne, Axel and Abraham will be omitted, and due to the fact that I hate kids, none of them will be cast either (even Carl). I’m also not going to bother with Allen, Donna, Carol, Jim and Shane, as well as minor characters like all of Hershel’s children, Tyreese’s daughter, her boyfriend, Otis, Patricia, Amy and Morgan. Why, because I’m a lazy motherfucker … no really, I truly am.

It should also be known that not all of my picks have been well thought out, due to the fact that I’m lazy (as already mentioned) and putting too much effort/time into it is overkill. Also, I’m not solely basing casting on looks, but more on feel and past character experience that I’ve viewed with my own eyes. Of course there could be better choices (I have picked the perfect guy to play Tyreese though) but I don’t give a shit, this is just some random Walking Dead fan putting his thoughts out on the Interweb.

Jared Padalecki as Rick
I’m a fan of the show Supernatural and as Sam Winchester, Padalecki plays a character with similar traits to Rick. Sam starts off as a some what regular (well not really), strong, smart and empathic man who gets in extraordinary circumstances that change his life dramatically. So much so that he makes a mistake so great that he has put everyone in danger (and by everyone I mean the world), which if you’ve read The Walking Dead, sounds quite familiar.

Michael Jai White as Tyreese
Just look at him, if that ain’t Tyreese then who the fuck else could play him? It also helps that White is a badass real life martial artist (not the Steven Segal bullshit kind of martial artist), making it totally believable that he could kick major Zombie ass with nothing more than a hammer (and by hammer I mean an actual hammer, not his cock, which would probably be more of a sledgehammer). Interesting note, he also played another Image Comics character : Spawn.

Felicia Day as Andrea
There’s something about Miss Day that I really like, yet I can’t put my finger on what it is. It could be the fact that her geek cred is through the roof with appearances on Joss Whedon projects (Buffy, Dr Horrible and Dollhouse) and the fact that she’s a gamer (check out The Guild). It also doesn’t hurt that she’s quite cute (translated : very fuckable) and I would actually believe that she could fall for Dale and put his old frail cock in her mouth and/or asshole.

Terry O’Quinn as Dale
I’m a Lost fan, actually, to be more precise I’m a fan of the last 2 seasons of Lost and Locke is one of my favorite characters. I could totally see O’Quinn as Dale, putting on that smelly old hat and giving Padalecki’s Rick advice just like he did with Boone on Lost, the only difference would be that unlike on Lost, Dale won’t be trying to seduce Rick in order to make penis on penis love with him. Come on, it was easy to see how bad Locke wanted Boone.

Parry Shen as Glenn
I know exactly what you’re thinking, who the fuck is Parry Shen?!? Shen starred in an indy movie called Better Luck Tomorrow directed by Justin Lin. Yup, the same Justin Lin who directed Fast and the Furious : Tokyo Drift … and fuck you, I like that movie, but I also like 2 Fast 2 Furious starring Tyreese Gibson … so fuck me. Glenn is a simple character who is likable and trustworthy, while Shen has a likable face (in a non-gay way), and I’m pretty sure Glenn is Asian, right?

Alan Dale as Hershel
You know you’ve seen him in a few things, but unless you’re an Ugly Betty fan, an Australian or a New Zealander you probably won’t know his name, but since I’m a Kiwi like Alan I know who he is, so yes I’m special (insert your own Special Olympics or retard joke here if you really want to, but little baby Jesus will not approve and shed a tear for humanity). Hershel is a stern God faring man whose utmost priority is the welfare of his children, an easy role for Dale to play.

Winona Ryder as Lori
Lori is an easy character to describe, she’s a cunt. Lets look at the evidence : she leaves her comatose husband in the hospital during a Zombie plague, sleeps with his friend, gets all pissed off because he shows up alive thus making her feel guilty, and then has a baby while not knowing who the father is. Cunt. I’m not saying Winona’s a cunt, I’m just saying she looks like she wouldn’t have a problem playing a cunt, she’s a klepto, but that doesn’t necessarily make her a cunt.

There we have it, a lame gay unoriginal fanboy fantasy casting that doesn’t even cast the majority of characters in The Walking Dead, its not even half of the characters who show up in the first couple of story arch’s. The bulk of my picks most likely suck ass, but I think Michael Jai White as Tyreese is dead on, so when the the role really does get cast I’m going to talk shit about that motherfucker like there ain’t no tomorrow, which behind porn and music is the real reason we all use and love the Internet.